we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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