Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
