Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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