i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
