My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
