I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize