i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
