Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
