So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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