I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize