Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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