also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We left the knife in your bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
