I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
