Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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