Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
