I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize