Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
