So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
