You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
