Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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