I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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