girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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