my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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