can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
