it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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