They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
