I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
