my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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