Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
