yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have aggressive nipples.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
