No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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