i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
