Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
