I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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