do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
