so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
