Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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