I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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