R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize