happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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