so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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