what day is it and did you see me today?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize