my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
