the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
