My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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