Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
