hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
