Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
