Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
