Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
