You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
