How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
