I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize