Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
