Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
