i was born a porn star she said
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
