3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
