Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
