I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
as a side note pls kill me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
