My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
