apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize