3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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