What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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