used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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