Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
