I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
