I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
