How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
