What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
