great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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