so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
