There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
